let's be real

So seriously I have been so far gone from reality these past few months. I am now 5 months pregnant, look like a balloon, and feel like I could pop at any given moment. Yes, the idea that there is a little man wiggling around inside my stomach is so awesome, that he needs me to grow, and that he is part of Matthew makes it so worth it. But who ever tells you pregnancy is so great, they are wrong. Or maybe I am just that percentage who gets deathly ill. So I have been following this lady a lot and I have decided to embrace being pregnant. Ahh, it is so much easier said than done, but I am committed to write on this thing more often than not and to jot down feelings and thoughts during this time so that hopefully one day I will be able to look back and know that I can do hard things. (how pathetic) But seriously I am determined to do what it takes. So here it goes:

Matthew and I this time last year were talking to my dad outside of my grandpa Wells' house in St. George. He is so good and easy to talk to. Anyway we were chatting about how we wanted to start a family but were not really sure if we could do it financially. And figure out school and work. But of course my dad's advice always sinks in deep and his words were somewhere along the lines of "there is no better time than now, you're body is at it's prime time" so with that and a few other things, Matthew and I felt right about it. Now I might get a little bit detailed so stop reading here if you are a little uncomfortable already. We tried for several months and obviously weren't getting pregnant. Which in the long run was good for us. But at the time I got nervous. I couldn't help but think what is wrong with me, why can't I get pregnant? What if I'll never be able to get pregnant, should we adopt? Oh plenty more popped into my head, ask my sister. So after talking to each of my sisters, which really wasn't very fair because the first 2 had no problems getting pregnant and then talking to one of my sister in-laws I expressed  to her how nervous I was. She recommended using an ovulation calender. (you take your temperature, jot down when it's high and low, blah blah) So we did and before you know it, I was pregnant the very next month! At first I really didn't believe it. I felt so weird though and after talking to my sister she was like you are being so silly, take a test. So I did, I peed on the dumb thing, set it down and nothing, so I got up and went to my bed and started crying. Matthew said, "so...?" it's negative. So he went in to go get the stick and brought it back to me. Meg, it says positive...uhhhh oh it does?!?

Now skipping the first few weeks. I felt fine. Maybe a little bit of headaches, but nothing I couldn't handle. Had my first ultra sound. The nugget had a heartbeat and my due date was spot on. So I started taking prenatals and could not keep them down for the life of me. I would wake up 2 to 3 times per night throwing them up. I'd wake up in the morning and throw up. Nothing sounded good, nothing helped. I got those dumb sea bands, which might have helped a little. Tried the ginger gum, nasty, but helped a little. Could only drink juice and eat cheez its. So I stopped taking them and tried a one-a-day. And this is where it all began. I started having number 3 (diarrhea). Every damn morning!! Let me tell you if you don't already feel nasty with the sick taste in your mouth, bloated all the time and throwing up, well you do now. So I went to the doctor and she said I could have had a bug. So to make a long story short I have not really takin a ton of vitamins through out this pregnancy, but we had the detailed ultra sound and checked for down syndrome and our little baby man is healthy, strong, big and kicking all day long. As of mid June I stopped throwing up, started to actually gain weight, and number 3 is slowly fading. While at the doctor they found a cyst on my thyroid that has a 10% chance of being cancerous. So I am hoping for the best and will most likely have it removed after the baby man is born. The little squirt wiggles all day long, I can't believe it. He moves so drastically lately that I can see it. My belly button has almost completely popped out, which grosses me out. I don't know why. There is just something about it. The skin is softer and pinker and it looks just so odd. But man, I look good, really curvy, huge boobies :-) (that hurt so bad I have to cover them in the shower) ya, I know. I dream about food all night long. I go to bed hungry, wake up hungry. But haven't really craved anything. It is an interesting time, I will tell you that.

So besides all of this wonderful change, I am excited to meet the nug. I hope he looks like Matthew, dark curly hair! We bought his crib, registered, will have my showers in August, and then move back to Utah (sad about it, but that is a whole other post) to set up his nursery. I have already been collecting lots of things that I think will look so cute. I can't wait, I am definitely in the "nesting"phase of things. A few other things I am realizing I like about this time is I get a lot of attention, strangers smile and ask about the nugget, are extra helpful, and I get to wear extra comfy clothes and still feel somewhat cute with my belly. Oh and my hair is luscious, silky and healthy and so is my skin.

Well this post is dragging on, but I feel kinda ok about it since I haven't posted for almost 6 months. I am grateful for my little family that is developing, for Matthew who rubs my back every single night until I fall asleep, gets me tums when I have heartburn so bad I feel like it's burning my eyeballs, gives me his pillow when I can't get comfortable, and loves me even though I am a big mama. He is so handsome.